AmE v. BrE – I’ve got the solution! January 30, 2010

I like to joke (but it’s not really a joke) that I’m learning a second language while living here in the UK. Take the following conversation as an example:

Me: (reading a book in BrE) What does kitsch mean?

Gent: (watching football) What?

Me: Kitsch – the context is referring to art. Does it mean tacky?

Gent: (still watching football) Dunno.

Me: What? How can you not know? Does it mean tacky?

Gent: Um, well, errr….

Me: (googling) yes! It does! Why can’t you just tell me these things?!

or…

Gent: Well, I’m doing this course and at 2,500 pounds it’s a snip.

Me: I’m sorry, it’s a what?

Gent: A snip.

Me: A ship?

Gent: (making scissor gestures) snip. It’s a snip.

Me: Errrrrmmmm????

Gent: It means it’s cheap.

Me: But you said it was 2,500 quid.

Gent: I know. Work is going to pay. That’s why it’s a snip.

another conversation I’ve had recently, that I won’t bore you by writing out is the several meanings of the word pudding in this country. My American friends were absolutely baffled. Especially by the pudding of the yorkshire variety.

But, all this aside, I’ve got it. The solution.

Esperanto.

Think about it. It can’t be any harder than having to remember the various meanings of pants. At least we would call all agree on whether it is zero or naught then, too. Because I’m tired of having to explain to all these Brits that they’re wrong…

Seriously – think about it,
Miss A.

P.S. The book was “The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo” by Stieg Larsson. 4 stars out of 5, even though I did spent two very late nights finishing it.

Letters to No One January 22, 2010

Dear Self,

Seriously. Lazy.
Those are the best words to describe you right now. Seriously, get off your arse.

Your still-not-running-and-still-not-applied-to-school-self,
Miss America

Dear Neighbors (yes, you, the ones referred to as the “psychos” around the ‘hood),

Stop screaming at all hours of the night. Of course it is going to wake your baby, who is then going to start crying. It doesn’t matter that I don’t have to get up for work. I still get annoyed when awoken from my blissful slumber.

Your tired and haggard looking neighbor,
Miss A.

Dear Country of England,

The idea that one could be held liable for shoveling the snow in front of their house on public property is absurd. Completely absurd.

Invest in some shovels,
Miss A.

Dear Self (again),

Drinking at noon (by yourself) is hardly justified by the fact that it is 5-o-clock in Thailand, where one of your good friends is right now.

Hardly but still just enough,
Miss A.

Dear American Stereotypers,

I’m saddened for you and for this country when a friend of mine who has been in the country for barely a week is already embarrassed to admit that she is an American due to the abuse she has received. And I guarantee she is smarter and more well-travelled than the majority of you.

Shame on you,
Miss America

Dear Primark,

You are deliciously chavvy, but I still love you.

Sometimes being cheap ain’t so bad,
Miss A.

On Making New Friends January 18, 2010

So you meet for dinner or drinks. You see a film or “do” lunch. Perhaps meet for coffee. You phone each other and text. You wonder if they like you or not. You worry you overstepped boundaries or shared too much. You over-analyze conversations and interactions. Ah, meeting friends.

Sure feels a lot like…DATING.

As I’ve mentioned previously I found some social networking opportunities at meetup.com, and since arriving I’ve attended a book club and a few other “ladies group” events. It’s a bit strange, but at least you know everyone is there to the same ends, which is to meet new people. So at least in this strange faux-dating, let’s get to know each other stage, you’re not left pursuing someone who isn’t interested in making new friends. And it’s sure better than asking some random girl (or guy) at the end of the night for their “friendship” digits. AWKWARD!

That said, I also seem to meet more American expats than the average person would. For example, a few weeks ago, I attended an event and the digits I got at the end? A lady from the Midwest. We bonded over our our first Argos experience. There are English women in the group, but they tend to be a bit older and while great fun, have kids and few shared interests.

So what did I do today? Asked a girl out on a date. Yep, to dinner and drinks. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Taken,
Miss A.

I Love……..WELLIES! January 15, 2010

So we’re slowly exiting the deep freeze that has been gripping the UK since my arrival (lucky me!). And as much as I don’t like rain, I’ll take it over snow any day. However, snow + rain = some pretty nasty, wet, and ugly slush. But what this generally unfortunate and disappointing circumstance brings about is something deliciously wonderful and stereotypical: old men in wellies. I. LOVE. IT.

Lots of blue sweaters, green jackets, old man caps, wrinkles and wellies. I can’t find a picture of it online to do it justice. But picture any tv show, movie, whatever and there you have it. The women, however, are in Uggs and that is another discussion altogether…

I’m inspired. I wants.

Inside and dry,
Miss A.

England, I think I love you…BUT… January 11, 2010

I’m feeling rather sassy (read: cranky) today, from a poor night’s sleep and this obnoxious weather. And since I spent a good portion of my “laying awake angry that I am not asleep” time running through the list of things that irritate me about this country, I thought I’d share it. Because I’m feeling that way today.

* The fact that there are no paper towels in the bathrooms. And it is hit or miss as to whether the air hand dryer is in actual working condition.
* That cars do not stop for pedestrians.
* That there are no stop signs for pedestrians to use to actually be able to cross the road without breaking into a sprint half way through the road as a Peugeot comes barreling around the corner.
* Washer. In the kitchen and tiny.
* Dishwasher. Lack thereof.
* Fridge and freezer. Tiny. Tiny.
* Oven. Even tinier.
* I have yet to see a decent tomato anywhere.
* The price of travel.
* The fact that nothing is ever completely dry. Ever.

Ah….I feel better now (and I’ll feel even better after I eat the Kraft mac and cheese that is on the hob right now!). Yes, people, I do think there are some great things about England too. For example, the fact you can get away with eating chips every day and the BBC. Plus some others. I’m just not in that kind of mood today.

Is it 5-o-clock yet?
Miss A.